Short Film (by short people)

Anna and Sarah got a point-and-shoot camcorder for Christmas. I was going to post their first video here. But, alas, they broke two of the cardinal rules of cinematography in my house:

1. The room serving as the set must be clean. Not thrashed with wrapping paper and twist ties.

2. The mother may not be visible in any scene. Especially if she has not fixed her hair and is wearing a shirt that makes her look six months pregnant. Amen, and let it be so.

Therefore the video which I will now share with the waiting world takes place not in my living room, but in the podunk local grocery store we visit weekly.

Technically it breaks rule two of Kerr cinematography, but since it is only a wide-angle shot of my rumpus, I shall allow an exception. Just this once.

So without further ado, the premiere of Anna and Sarah’s video masterpiece, Mommy, Can We Get It? Filmed by Sarah, starring Anna and a certain box of sugary goodness.

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Geeks ‘R’ Us

Jason and I are geeks.

All of our kids are geeks also, to varying extents. Even too-cool-for-school Anna, poor kid. But sometimes I think that Sarah, that unfortunate soul, got stuck with every geeky gene in our entire family history.

And now this:

The glasses really weren’t her fault. A certain child, who shall remain unnamed, ripped off the arms with his bare hands when Sarah wasn’t looking. Let’s not talk about that.
Her appointment with the eye doctor is on Wednesday, and it will take about two to three weeks after that for the new frames to arrive. Until then, she will be a little more geeky than usual.

You poor baby.

Not that she cares. Not even a little bit.
Thank goodness for home school.

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Poop Party

(This post contains uncensored and numerous mentions of a certain bodily function. Which you, yourself, experience daily. I hope.)

Me: Naiah, you didn’t poop today.

Naiah (age 2): Nope.

Me: Did your poop forget to come out?

Anna (age 6): The Poop Coming Out Party must have been canceled. That’s why it didn’t come out.

Naiah: Yeah.

Me: The Poop Coming Out Party?

Anna: Yes. There’s a law in your bottom that the poop has to have a Coming Out Party before it comes out, or it can’t come out. It’s against the law.

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I heart plumbers.

We have water!

Merry Christmas! said the plumber as he left.

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Closing Time. . .

“. . . time for you to go out to the places you will be from.”

Our pipes froze the other night. So did a slew of other people’s pipes. But ours were old, so they broke.

We have no water.

The plumber is still trying to patch our pipes. He says they’ll keep breaking. He says we should find a new house.

I really don’t want to move right now.

But maybe if I find a big kitchen and downstairs bedrooms and a second bathroom, I’ll feel better about it.

Sigh.

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Lawless

 

I just saw a sign that said, “DO NOT PASS.” And we passed right by it.

–Anna, age 6, tattling to Papa about my reckless driving

 

 

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Dinosaurs

Jonah shows Grammie his T-rex:

“This is a meat eater.”

Jonah shows Grammie his triceratops:

“This is meat.”

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Morning

I got up pre-dawn today to take care of a few necessities before Jason left to catch his bus. I had to dig out the van and drive through a foot, at least, of unplowed snow. (Thank you, God, for all wheel drive!) When I got back it was still dark, so I shoveled the walk and porch again. Then the kids were still asleep, so I took pictures from the front yard. Then the kids were still asleep, so I sat in the office listening to the kitchen clock tick. I’ve never heard that sound in my house before. It’s never been quiet enough. Ticking clocks remind me of my grandmother’s house. I think I liked it.

My parents are driving up the mountain just now. Can they pick a day or what?

Our street, looking north. There are no snow days at school here. Never, ever. Unless maybe the power is out. Or maybe that one time when they got buried in 20 feet from one storm. Other than that, they just make the kids wear snowsuits and throw them outside at recess.

 

Our street, south. The plows left a nice berm to barrel through, if for some reason you’d like to travel further than the end of the block. They’ll fix that later. Don’t ask when. Oh, here he comes now.

 

Bushes

Since we moved to the Sierra Nevadas, we’ve had two white Thanksgivings, one white Labor Day, a white Easter or two, and a white Memorial Day, but we have never, not once, had a white Christmas. I think this might be the year. 😉

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Kindly Tip Your Monitor

(Director’s note: Yes, I am one of those camera idiots who make sideways videos in hopes that the camera will magically turn the image right-side-up for me in the end. But I loved her last line too much to hide it. Don’t get a crick in your neck.)

Naiah (age 2) is in love with my new Gaelic Storm station on Pandora.

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Feel the Burn!

Looking for a way to melt those stubborn holiday pounds? Sick of that same old pilates routine?

Well, do I have a product for you!

How much would you love a machine that works your core, your arms, your thighs, your back, all at the same time, AND provides a heart-healthy aerobic workout, all in one simple motion?

Oh, and did I mention that there are no pulleys? No elastic bands? No weights? No batteries and no assembly required? Didn’t I?

Well, love, just you wait and see. It’s simple. It’s effective. It’ll rock your body, and your yard, with no sweat, whatsoever. Guaranteed.

Introducing. . .

The Shovelex Frostmaster 3000!*

 

-Lightweight!

-Portable!

-Hangs for easy storage!

Only $39.95! Free trial at my house!

 

*Snow not included. Exercise caution when shoveling plow berms, as cramping may occur. Consult your physician before beginning any new fitness program.

 

 

We recommend you complement your purchase with the Shiatsu Massage Chair!

Or the accommodating husband of your choice.

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